


With Not Without You

by meredithleon



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, I am sorry in advance, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Really Heavy Angst, there's fluff too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-13 23:52:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12995259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meredithleon/pseuds/meredithleon
Summary: “So. Tell me about your lover, your Alexander.” Amanita requests.“Husband. Alexander and I are married.” Magnus answers with a smile, looking down at the heavy ring on his finger, drawing the girl’s eyes there too.----He purposefully walks up to the younger man and grips his face in both hands. Staring straight into Alec’s eyes, he brings their faces close and crashes their lips together.Or in which Magnus finds it very hard to get over Alec.





	With Not Without You

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone,
> 
> This fic has been stewing in my mind since [Yara ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/deathdario)posted _the edit_ that made half the fandom cry. I hope you like it. This has been beta read by Yara herself.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it.

The bright light of the early morning sun falls on Magnus's face from the open curtains and his lips curve into a smile. 

He waits.

Warm fingers run through his hair and the side of his bed dips, jostling him a little.

“Hey beautiful, wake up.” a soft, dulcet tone breathes the words into his ear, sending shivers down the sensitive skin, raising goosebumps from the edges of his ears to the tips of his fingers. 

Magnus smiles beatifically. “Keep doing that, and I might never be able to get out of this bed.” He keeps his eyes closed until soft, moist lips touch his cheeks and he feels a warm breath brush across his face. 

“You have a client at 9, it’s almost 8 so you have about an hour. And I know from experience it takes you at least 40 minutes to get ready…”

The sheets are pulled back from his shoulders, leaving him exposed to the chill of the room. “Hey!” He shouts, curving into a ball and blindly groping around for the blankets. 

A pair of soft yet strong hands stop his flailing and pull at his arm. “Get up Magnus.”

Magnus groans and sits up. He shoots an annoyed glare at the grinning man standing beside his bed. 

“Your wakeup calls stopped being cute after the third time Alexander.” But there's no heat behind the words, only fond exasperation.

Alec’s standing next to his bed, a wide grin splitting across his face. And how does he look so beautiful this early in the morning? Magnus wonders. “Come here. Give me my good morning kiss.” He stretches his arm towards the Shadowhunter, which he grasps and lets himself be pulled in.

Magnus puts a hand behind Alec’s neck and brings him close, pressing their lips in a sweet kiss. He could continue kissing Alec for a lot longer, but he lets go when he starts feeling a burn in his chest… from the lack of air. 

Foreheads pressed together, Magnus gazes lovingly into the other’s eyes. “You are the best alarm I’ve ever had.”

Alec lets out an indignant “Hey”, and gets up from the bed. “Breakfast in 10, then you do your high warlock duties.”

Magnus walks towards the bathroom, chuckling. “What will I ever do without you Alexander?” he speaks over his shoulder.

Alec catches his arm as he passes, brings him close and kisses his forehead. There’s a sad smile on his face and regret in his eyes “you will learn.”

\---------------------------------------------------------

His 9 O’clock is a beautiful mundane descendent of an old Shadowhunter family, named Amanita Whiterose. She needs to summon a demon that can find rare jewels which have been missing from her mother’s collections. 

She is also a shameless flirt.

The fourth time she comes a little too close to Magnus, he gently catches her hand and lifts it off his shoulders.

“Amanita. You are a beautiful girl. And any other time I would have taken you out for drinks by now.” He brings her knuckles to his lips and tenderly places his lips on the back of her hand. “But I am afraid I can’t. My heart belongs to another soul.”

Amanita gives him a small rueful smile and removes her hand from Magnus’s grip. She shyly tucks a strand of loose hair behind her ears and replies, “I didn’t know. I’m really sorry. She’s a very lucky girl.”

Magnus chuckles at the statement. “He. His name’s Alexander.”

The girl’s eyes widen in realization, “Oh! I’m truly sorry. Double sorry! I feel so stupid now, I didn’t know you swung both ways.”

Magnus just smiles, bowing his head in a way that silently said 'don’t worry about it'.

 

When the demon has been summoned and banished successfully, Magnus is a little drained so he doesn’t decline Amanita’s offer for drinks.

They recline on a pair of comfortable high-backed chairs set by the fireplace, as he takes a sip from his glass and rests his head on the cushions with a sigh.

“So. Tell me about your lover, your Alexander.” Amanita requests.

“Husband. Alexander and I are married.” Magnus answers with a smile, looking down at the heavy ring on his finger, drawing the girl’s eyes there too. “Alexander… he’s one of a kind. He’s so strong and brave, not fearless, but brave. He’s also kind and honest to a fault. He’s so blunt and in your face, he never hides.” Magnus chuckles, somewhat lost in thought. “Even after so long, he manages to surprise me all the time, in the most pleasant ways. I haven’t met anyone like him in all my years.” he drifts off, his voice becoming softer as he reminisces about the wonderful moments he’s spent with Alec.

Amanita watches him, her eyes taking in his features and thinks that love suits him. Wishing that someday, someone would love her enough to have _that_ look on their face just by thinking of her.

“Is he good-looking?” She asks loudly, bringing Magnus back to the present.

Magnus laughs at the question, a delighted, full belly laugh that makes the girl smile in return despite the confusion evident on her face. “Oh, my dear, Alexander is beautiful. And his heart makes him a hundred times more beautiful. His naivety pertaining to his looks makes him all the more attractive. You should see the looks we get whenever we go out together.” Magnus shakes his head with a fond curve of his lips, “Alexander is the pretty boy everyone wants to get their hands on, but he’s mine. And I don’t know what I did to deserve him.”

“You love him so much,” Amanita says. It's not a question, but merely her stating facts. 

Magnus looks up at her and replies, “If I loved him more, I would cease to exist.”

The girl looks wistful as she gets up to pour another drink. Magnus can tell she’s burning with questions he will entertain because if there’s a topic he never tires of talking about, it’s his Alexander.

\------------------------------------------

Magnus is quite happy as he makes his way to the restaurant where he’s to meet Catarina. The weather is good, he has talked about Alexander to a complete stranger, who by the end had fallen a little bit in love with his husband too. He smiles and whistles under his breath. He knows he’s getting appreciative looks as he catches many a woman and a few men checking him out. Well, Alexander always says that “happy” looks good on him, and he certainly doesn’t mind. 

His smile widens as he pictures Alec scoffing and rolling his eyes whenever he would catch one of those stares. He would walk a little closer, arms brushing and lean a little more trying to make his 6’3’’ height look insignificant, he'd also put an arm around Magnus’ shoulder just because he could. Unlike himself. Magnus would put a hand around Alec’s waist and pull him close even if it makes walking difficult. Or he would grasp Alec’s hand and kiss his fingers. All the while looking pointedly at the offending stranger.

Magnus isn’t a jealous kind of guy. He does it because it makes Alec blush prettily, and lets the world know that all that beauty and grace was his to admire. 

He walks a couple more blocks, enjoying the approving gazes of the New Yorkers. 

Cat is sitting at a table, facing the glass windows of the restaurant. She’s already sipping something hot and reading on her tablet. She puts down both as Magnus approaches. 

“Finally found your way? I worried you got lost.”

Magnus gives her an unimpressed look, “five minutes Cat.” He leans down and pecks her cheek then pulls a chair across from her. 

Magnus asks her about her work and Cat opens up about how difficult it is to manage time at the hospital with a small child dependent on her. But Madzie is a sweetheart, he is told, as if he didn’t already know. The young warlock is starting school soon and is very excited. Magnus just sits back and listens to his friend, taking in the delighted expression on her face as she talks about her young charge. These moments reaffirm the facts for him, that they did the right thing taking Madzie to Catarina.

He doesn’t like it when tables are turned and Cat bores down into his eyes asking, “So what have you been up to?” There is a mischievous look in her eyes that Magnus ignores.

He sighs, “Just a client. You know how it is. Make potions, summon demons, banish demons, find people, strengthen wards.”

Cat nods at him, looking sympathetic as she knows exactly what he’s talking about. 

“I heard you summoned a demon for Amanita Whiterose?”

“Mhmm… my last client. It was tiring so we had a drink”

Cat’s lips widen into a pleased smile, “She is quite beautiful from what I have heard.” The insinuation is not lost on Magnus.

“If you must know, she was very curious about Alexander.”

The other warlock hangs her head and sighs, “Magnus…” But he cuts her off before she can start. “Cat, please. I can’t do that to Alec.”

But Catarina is adamant. “But Alec has been gone for a year, Magnus! You need to move on. Please don’t do this to yourself.”

“We are not having this discussion again Catarina.” Magnus’s voice is tight with controlled fury.

Catarina ignores the tone of his voice. “Magnus. Think about it. The only disease that can kill a warlock is grief. You are dying Magnus, very soon you will lose your magic! This is killing you. You can’t let a Shadowhunter who died in a battle drag you down. You knew that’s their lives all along! Please... Magnus!”

He doesn’t listen. Neither her pleas nor her reproach. He stands up abruptly, throws his napkin back on the table and puts down some money to cover for their dinner plus tip. He glares at his oldest friend (who is alive anyway), and when he speaks, his voice is cold, emotionless and low pitched. 

“This meeting is over. Call me when you start respecting my feelings.”

\--------------------------------------------

The walk back home doesn’t clear his head as he had expected. Instead, he feels all the more agitated. The ‘need’ to see Alec burning hot within his chest making it hard for him to breath. He needs Alec right now. Needs to see him, touch him, hold him, kiss his rosy lips. 

He throws open the door without touching it and strides inside. 

“Alexander?!” he calls out, desperation lacing his voice.

Alec walks into the room, his brows furrowed in confusion and concern. “Hey. Everything all right?”

Magnus remains silent in the doorway, taking in his form. Observing the way Alec’s hair is in its perpetual state of disarray, his hazel eyes bright under the fluorescence of the overhead artificial lamp. His lips curved into a frown. Takes in the way his light grey long sleeved t-shirt hugs his shoulders and flares at his waist, his long lean legs outlined by his snug dark pants. 

He searches for any dissimilarities. Anything that can prove that his eyes are playing tricks on him. Anything that is out of place. Anything that gives him a hint that the person in front of him is not who he thinks he is.

He falls short. Alec is just… Alec.

Magnus inhales sharply, realizing he hadn’t been breathing the last few seconds. 

He purposefully walks up to the younger man and grips his face in both hands. Staring straight into Alec’s eyes, he brings their faces close and crashes their lips together. 

Alec makes a surprised noise at the back of his throat but relaxes into the kiss and returns with fervor.

They separate after a while and Magnus wearily sits down on the couch, after taking off his muffler and jacket.

Alec moves to sit next to him, holds his hand in both of his own. “Tell me.” he asks gently.

Magnus inhales deeply and sits back with a sigh, leaning against the back of the couch. “It’s Catarina. We had a fight. She went too far this time.”

Alec stays quiet for a moment before asking, “what did you fight about? Want to tell me?”

Magnus turns his head to look at Alec and caresses their thumbs together. “She just doesn’t understand when to quit. Same as always. Today she started listing all the symptoms of ‘warlock grief’ ten minutes into dinner.” he scoffs, “Hallucinations, Magnus, are last straw okay. You know it. You just don’t want to accept it.” he imitates Catarina’s voice.

“She isn’t wrong Magnus.” Alec softly replies. 

When Magnus looks back at him, Alec’s head is bent and he’s playing with one of Magnus’s rings. His wedding ring, that they had bought together. 

He grips Alec’s chin with the fingers of his free hand and turns his head to look at him.

“I do not care Alexander. I finally feel at peace. Knowing you’ll be here when I come home. Knowing you don’t have to go on missions that will take you away from me.”

Alec’s grip on his hand tightens as a tear slips down the Nephilim's eyes. “But I’m not real.”

Magnus lets out a noise that’s dangerously close to a sob. He pulls his hands from Alec’s and puts them around him, pulling him close. He presses his lips against Alec’s hair and tightens his arms. “You’re real to me. I get to hold you. I get to kiss you. I get to tell you I love you.” his breath hitches but he continues.

“I love you Alexander. So much. I’ll always love you. Till I take my last breath and even after that. Just… let me, please... Don’t go.”


End file.
